How Mentally Strong People Deal With Uncomfortable Emotions

There is a common misconception that mentally strong people don’t have emotions – or they suppress them. But it certainly is not.

Like everyone else, mentally strong people experience distress. Emotions like sadness, embarrassment, and anxiety are just as inevitable as they are uncomfortable (even for mentally strong people).

But mentally strong people differ in that they seek out healthy coping skills that allow them to turn painful experiences into opportunities for personal growth.

They label their feelings

Rather than insisting that they are numb to pain or denying that their feelings have been hurt, mentally strong people acknowledge their emotions.

They also know what to name their feelings. They recognize when they are jealous, embarrassed, anxious, scared or insecure.

And while they don’t necessarily go for a walk to announce their latest emotional state change, they do acknowledge their emotions, even if it’s only to themselves.

They know that putting a name on their emotions helps ease their feelings a bit. (There are science to save it). Just thinking, “OK, I’m anxious right now” can help them move forward.

It can also help them see how emotions can affect their judgment. They therefore consult each other several times a day to see how they feel.

They recognize the difference between useful and unnecessary emotions

Emotions are often described as negative or positive. Anxiety can be viewed as “bad” while happiness is viewed as “good”.

But every emotion can sometimes be useful or unnecessary, depending on the circumstances.

Take excitement, for example. When you feel excited about your next vacation, you can enjoy your days more. But if you’re excited about a get-rich-quick opportunity, your enthusiasm can cloud your judgment and cause you to underestimate the risks you face.

Likewise, when you are feeling anxious you might be thinking about all the bad things that could happen if you are giving a speech. It might cause you to turn down a public speaking opportunity that could really advance your career.

On the other hand, your anxiety can come in handy when it alerts you to danger. Feeling anxious about a risky business opportunity could open your eyes to some of the pitfalls of the plan.

In my therapy practice, I often ask patients, “Are your feelings a friend or an enemy right now?” Their response helps them decide how to proceed.

Here are some more specific ways in which emotions can be friend or foe:

• Sadness – Sadness can be a friend when it helps you honor something or someone you mourn. It could be an enemy if it forces you to isolate yourself and makes you want to stay in bed all the time.
• Anger – Anger can be a friend when it gives you the courage to stand up against social injustice. It could be an enemy if it makes you say something hurtful to someone you love.
• Disappointment – Disappointment can be a friend when it prompts you to try harder and do better. It could be an enemy if it causes you to declare yourself a failure.

Mentally strong people know that it helps to feel or even embrace uncomfortable emotions as long as they are useful. If they are not helpful, then they are taking action to change how they are feeling.

They rely on healthy coping skills

Mentally strong people know they can rely on a variety of coping skills to help them regulate their emotions. Whether they’re exercising, listening to music, or calling a friend, they have tools that can calm them down or cheer them up.

However, they are careful about the tools they turn to. They understand that certain emotional regulation tools can ultimately backfire or even introduce new problems into their lives.

Emotional or alcohol use, for example, can both make things worse in the long run.

Build your mental muscle

Fortunately, everyone has the power to build more mental muscle. There is a lot of exercises that can help you develop the mental toughness you need to better control your emotions. And as you get stronger, you’ll be better equipped to take on whatever challenges life throws at you.